Problems for kinksters

A kinkster is someone who does kinky sex. Role play and soft SM are, thanks to books and films like 50 Shades of Gray, reasonably accepted in our society. There are also people for whom this goes a lot further. For them it is a way of life. These kinksters have a different experience of sexuality than the average person. This can make it difficult to talk about or to accept of the (own) sexuality.

There are many forms to name. This list is certainly not complete:

  • BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. In general there is a dominant, sadistic partner and a submissive, masochistic partner. Within the relationship, the latter is obedient and subordinate to the first.
  • Femdom is the form of BDSM, where a woman is the dominant party and the man the subject. Additionally, there may be the conviction that women are superior to men.
  • With chastity, the submissive is forbidden to reach orgasm. This is often enforced because the submissive is locked in a chastity belt, of which the dominant has the key.
  • Cuckolding. One of the partners has sex with others, while the submissive partner may or may not watch. Sex within the relationship is usually limited.
  • Findom stands for financial domination. The submissive takes pleasure in giving a part of his income to the dominant. Whether something is given in return and what that is varies.
  • Fetishes often play a role within the above relationships. More common forms are the fetishes for feet, stockings and (worn) underwear.

These kinds of D / s relationships are not to be confused with relationships in which abuse or mistreatment takes place. Coordination between Dom and sub is essential, with the Dom observing well and the sub indicating its limits. In a good D/s relationship, psychological health can be better (Wismeijer A.A., van Assen M.A., 2013).

Possible questions and problems:

  • What is a fetish, and when is it a problem?
  • What can you do if your opinions or feelings are different than accepted by the social norm?
  • Self-acceptance
  • Dealing with your “cravings”.
  • Research showed that ‘bdsm’ers’ are happier, but is that also the case when your environment views you as perverse?